it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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