I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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