Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
