i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
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