wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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