The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
