so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
