i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
