I cockslap morals
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
