It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i barfeds in our rink
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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