if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she told me i tasted like america
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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