And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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