I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
