You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
