I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
