so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
