I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
