her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I would fuck him just for his dog
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
