I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
