I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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