Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
