yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
