I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
