Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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