but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
