he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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