NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
