I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
