i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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