I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And then he peed in my hair
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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