I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
