We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
