i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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