What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize