no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
