I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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