my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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