either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
