i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
