My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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