Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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