The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
