Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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