I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
