She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
from now on my penis is your penis
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
my liver is dry heaving
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
