I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
