1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
