Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
