I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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