she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need to calm my uterus...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
