I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
