RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
