when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
