whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
