Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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