And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
