I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
