Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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