I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
