Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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