is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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