Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
