and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
