she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
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New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
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Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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