This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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