I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i out mim tonsoeep
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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