so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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