Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
