Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The air taste purple.
Randomize
