we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
