ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
