I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
