Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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